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Category Archives: Humor

The Dreams Have Returned

I don’t dream often and when I do dream, my dreams are strange and bizarre. Even more rare than dreaming is to dream on consecutive nights. I honestly cannot remember the last time that I woke up and remembered a dream. That is, until Sunday night. In my dream:

I was living in my old apartment in North Salt Lake. It was night time. I was hanging out at home, naked, and decided to go for a stroll naked. Next thing I know, it’s day time and I’m out in West Valley City, in one of the neighborhoods in which I grew up. Still naked. Now I’m trying to run from house to house, finding cover, so that I can get home. To put this into proper perspective, it’s almost 20 miles from one place to the other. How I expected to get home without being seen, I don’t know, but that was the plan.
Any way, as I was running toward one house, a car was coming, so I hid in some bushes along a driveway. The car pulls into the driveway where I’m hiding and the guy gets out. Suddenly, he stops. He’s seen me. I ask for his help and he says he doesn’t have time because he’s prepping for a wedding, and he tells me to stay hidden.
Then, the bride and groom show up and tons of other people. And I’m just chillin there, naked, in the bushes, trying to stay hidden. Then the bride and groom see me. They come over and chat about what I’m doing and we laugh and have a great time. The bride keeps calling me Golum/Smeagol.
After several hours of me hiding, and being visited several times by the bride (we’re developing quite the friendship), I’m given a white t-shirt and a leather jacket (what?!) and told to stay hidden. I try to make a run for it through a neighbor’s yard, but there’s a Doberman Pinscher, so I have to turn back.
When the reception is over, the Bride pulls me out of the bushes and we chitchatted for a minute. She gave me a big hug and smile and said, “Thanks for coming to my wedding!” Then I got into a little pick up truck (like, a little two-wheel drive Toyota) with a Highway Patrol Officer, who is going to take me home.
Then my alarm went off and I woke up.
Talk about a hectic Sunday night!
Monday night was a little bit better. All that I can remember is that Matthew McConaughey and I were running through some warehouses and he wanted to ordain me a High Priest, in case he got killed. I asked him to tell me his priesthood line of authority. You know, because, regardless if I’m running for my life, I want to make sure this whole High Priest thing is legit, I guess. Then we got into an argument because he couldn’t remember and I wanted to call my dad and have him come down to the warehouse and ordain me a High Priest because I know that line of authority is legit (it’s the one I currently have as an Elder).
Then my alarm went off and I woke up.
The dreams are back. I’ll update you as they continue.
 
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Posted by on November 18, 2014 in Dreams, Humor

 

Quote of the Day – Tam

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. If you don’t read VFTP daily, you need to repent and begin reading immediately.

Now the local news is over and we’re on to the national morning show. Matt Lauer is interviewing Bill O’Reilly. That much egotistical douchebaggery is hard to appreciate on the small screen; it deserves Imax.

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2013 in Humor

 

The Drone Ranger

This pushed my tickle button and I had to share.

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Posted by on May 26, 2013 in Humor, Politics

 

RICK TAYLOR – WORLD’S GREATEST TACTICAL INSTRUCTOR

must take a class from Rick Taylor!

Oh, and if you didn’t get the joke, this is Andrew from Vuurwapen Blog.

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2013 in Humor

 

Biden’s Bad Advice

Vice President Biden has been giving some silly advice recently regarding self defense. Jay shares a political cartoon that sums it up nicely:

Biden Advice

Sebastian also tweets #BadAdviceFromBiden:

 

Maybe Biden should take a cue from Obama and stay teleprompted.

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2013 in Guns, Humor, Politics

 
Image

Priceless Art

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Posted by on February 9, 2013 in Humor, Random

 

President Teleprompter

Bwahaha!

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2013 in Guns, Humor, Politics

 

Iranian Monkey Astronauts

Tam comments:

Iranian space scientists say their next test will demonstrate the ability to launch several monkey reentry vehicles in a single payload, each of which will be independently and peacefully steered to a separate landing point.

No word on whether the monkeys are of the face-eating, feces-flinging variety, which could be a violation of several international treaties on biological warfare, as well as Leviticus 11:27.

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2013 in Humor, International, Tech

 

Kid President – Spread The Word

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2013 in Humor, People, Random

 

Full of WIN!

My father-in-law just sent me this. Enjoy!

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2013 in Humor

 

Comblock Guns

Seen over at Oleg’s:

Back in the 1980s and 90s, comblock guns referred to weapons produced in the Warsaw Pact countries and China. Given the changes in our world since, we may soon be able to apply that term to Armalite rifles produced in Illinois and Bushmaster carbines made in New York, along with Henry lever actions made in New Jersey.

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2013 in Guns, Humor, International

 

This is what happens…

… when you sneak legislation through in the middle of the night.

NEW YORK (WABC) — A troubling oversight has been found within New York State’s sweeping new gun laws.

The ban on having high-capacity magazines, as it’s written, would also include law enforcement officers.

Magazines with more than seven rounds will be illegal under the new law when that part takes effect in March.

As the statute is currently written, it does not exempt law enforcement officers.

Nearly every law enforcement agency in the state carries hand guns that have a 15 round capacity.

It’s only troubling because you know that limiting magazine capacity is a stupid ideas.

HT – Sebastian

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2013 in Crazy Left, Follow up, Guns, Humor

 

Flauting Danger

Bwahahahahaha!

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2013 in Humor, Random

 

Modern Family

I’m a big fan of ABC’s Modern Family. If you missed last nights episode, do yourself a favor and go watch it.

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2013 in Humor, Random

 

Thursday Funny – Bad Lip Reading

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2013 in Humor, Sports

 
 
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